A Letter to the Giftmaker - Chapter 17

A hazy, milky orange spread across the sky above the snow-tipped pines. Harriet's skin prickled and she could feel a bead of sweat run down her forehead despite the falling temperatures. She kept replaying all the lies in her head, each time burning hot and sick in her stomach.

Her ankles burned from her quick pace. She had to stay ahead of Edwin and Jo. If she looked at them, she wouldn't be able to resist telling the truth. She swallowed hard and kept walking.

The wind whistled as it pressed against her face like a cold, demoralizing hand trying to hold her back. The brim of her hat flapped and her coat billowed, the bitter breeze sneaking through the smallest openings. The joyful brightness of day was fading towards twilight.

"How much further do you think?" Edwin called towards Harriet. He had long ago given up trying to keep pace, since she sped up whenever he approached.

She should ask to see the map, but that would mean facing him. Besides, she wouldn't be able to hold it steady with how much her hands were shaking in her pockets.

"No idea." She shrugged, trying to act casual despite the tension in her voice.

If she just kept walking, this might all be fixed. It had to be.

Ahead, the road forked. There was no sign and neither road looked more traveled. Just a large rock and two ways to go. Her heart beat faster as she neared it. If she led them the wrong way, she would ruin everything. There was no choice.

Pulse pounding in her head, she stopped by the rock and waited for them to catch up. Each step they took towards her, her breathing quickened. This was it. She couldn't face them and not say anything.

Edwin pulled the map from his pocket. "So, which way now?"

"We need to talk!" Harriet blurted out.

They both looked at her. Jo raised an eyebrow and leaned in, while Edwin stared with wide eyes. The silence was so pervasive it was as though the cold, raw air had frozen all sound.

"Are we lost?" Edwin finally asked, soft and tense.

"No, no!" Harriet's tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. None of the words were coming out right.

"Well, what's wrong then?" Jo asked.

"Me." Her voice was soft. She couldn't keep it in any more. "I lied to you."

Edwin looked over at Jo, then back at her. "Lied?"

She nodded. "I'm... I'm seventeen."

Jo chuckled. "I don't think we even asked your age."

"No, you don't get it." Her face crumpled into a sneer. Didn't he understand? "I'm too young to be an apprentice yet."

"You lied to them about your age?" Jo asked.

Edwin shook his head, staring wide-eyed at Harriet. "No, she lied to us. She's not an apprentice."

Harriet nodded, feeling his white-hot stare boring into her. Now he knows. "I was... pretending when we met. Trying to get experience for the spring, when I could start."

Edwin's knees trembled and he leaned against Jo to steady himself. "That's why the other worker didn't wait for you. Why you didn't have a key to the gate or train carriage."

"My mom always said I was too flaky, too unreliable to be a letter carrier. But it's my dream job. I only did all this to prove her wrong." She stepped forward, hands clasped together. "I swear, I didn't want any of this to happen. I really do want your letter to get there. But if they found out I interfered with an official delivery, I'd be black-listed. Never allowed to work for the post office."

"So instead, I suffer?" Veins popped along Edwin's neck as he leaned towards her, seething.

"Hey, she made a mistake," Jo said, placing a hand on Edwin's shoulder. "But maybe we should forgive her?"

"Forgive her?!" Edwin wheeled on Jo. "She ruined my letter. If not for her, I wouldn't have lost all those pieces."

"He's right."

They both turned to her.

"This is my fault." Her voice quivered. "I deserve this."

"Yes, you do. You... you idiot! You irresponsible, childish, treacherous liar!"

Each word stung at her heart, not just because of their cruelty, but because of their truth. She was all of those things. Her mother was right.

"You're deplorable! Disgraceful! Pathetic!"

She felt the tears running down her face turning to ice. Edwin deserved to say those things, and she deserved to be called them. Getting disqualified to be a letter carrier would be an even worse punishment.

"Edwin, hey," Jo gently held his arm. "I think that's enough."

Steam poured from Edwin's nose like a draft-horse who just finished plowing a field. He glared at her with those flinty eyes, which softened just slightly.

"We need to keep going." Jo looked between them.

"You're right. We need to keep going to fix her mistake." Edwin stomped past her and down the right fork.

Jo gave her a soft, apologetic look as he grabbed her gloved hand. "We'll fix this."

She pulled her hand back. His lies would only cause more harm, like her own had done. She trailed behind them, now just as far behind as she had been ahead. Her feet dragged through the snow as the sun disappeared behind a distant hill.